Motherhood is not a competition, or is it?

Motherhood brings a lot of changes to us, both good and bad. We have to adjust to so many things, and we have to be tireless and strong, gentle and loving. It's a bit confusing, actually. Apart from struggling with the demands of life and our child, there is also this thing that unconsciously, adds pressure to us moms - Motherhood competition. 

You know that moment when you see preggy pictures of soon-to-be-moms who still look slim and gorgeous (with a cute baby bump), while you were sitting on the bed with full effort to cross your legs, feeling like a whale?

You know that moment when you are hesitant to scold your child in public because people might think you are a bad mom?

You know that moment when you would not post or tell anyone that you let your child eat chips and soda because people might judge you? 

You know that moment when you would see moms buying organic this and that, Avent this, Mothercare that, and you feel a little less about yourself because you are afraid that you aren't buying what is best for your baby?

You know that time when you have read endless of posts about how breastfeeding moms are so proud, and that breast milk is what the baby needs, and you think to yourself, "What kind of mom am I? I did not breastfeed my baby."

You know that moment when you are a little worried when you see other babies speaking more clearly than your little one, but they are of the same age?

How about that moment when you are on your way to work and one mother will comment about how "you are not spending enough time with your newborn baby, that she is not old enough to be away from her mom for 9-10 hours a day, everyday"?

Yep, motherhood competition. 

I, for one, have also been tangled in this sport unconsciously. Being active on social media, I could not help but look at the blogs and posts of fellow new moms and sometimes, I compare myself and my choices to what they post online. Sometimes I would be frustrated because the OOTD pictures of the other babies are just too cute, while I need to take 200+ shots of Klongski just to get ONE DECENT OOTD picture. 

Am I a bad mom?

Did I do something wrong?

Sometimes when we are at the mall, Klong would literally run around, refusing to be held, while I see other kids her age, who are perfectly behaved and quiet, holding their parent's hand while strolling. 

Am I a bad mom? 

Did I do something wrong?

My daughter was 2 months old when I went back to work. Since then, my nanay was the one to take care of her. We rented an apartment near their place so that we can see her everyday, and bring her home after work. As she grows, she became more and more attached to my parents. At one year old, she would refuse to sleep with us. She would cry and cry in the middle of the night until I bring her back to my parents' house. 

Am I a bad mom?

Did I do something wrong?

My daughter is already 2 years old now, but I can see that the motherhood competition is still there, because social media is still there. 

I have been this conscious about parenting for a good 1 year. When my daughter turned 1, I started looking at things in a different perspective.  

I stopped beating myself for the things that I couldn't do or buy for my child. 

I stopped thinking that the other moms are so much better than I am. 

and most importantly, I started believing in myself, in what I do for my child and in the choices that I made for her and for us. 

Social media really has a great impact in our life, good and bad. Most of us are super excited to post about our new experiences, about our child's milestones etc., and really, that's good. I love reading motherhood posts as it helps me in many ways too. I recently joined a facebook group for mommy bloggers and they are nothing but supportive and welcoming. However, we should definitely stop using social media to bash moms who are unconventional. We should stop judging parents based on what they do, or what they let their kids do. Most of all, we should stop pressuring ourselves, we should stop comparing ourselves to others because we are all trying our best, but we are all not perfect. :)  

So, to the mom who is still hesitant to post her baby bump picture because you feel fat, Go on and post that gorgeous selfie. A baby is growing inside you. A miracle is happening inside you. Do not be ashamed. Flaunt it. 

To the mom whose emotions are bottled up inside because you do not want others to think that you are a bad mom, let it go. It is fine to be tired, it is normal to be frustrated sometimes. Motherhood is not easy, and sometimes, we cannot help but feel tired and overwhelmed. Let it go, recharge, have a me-time. We all need it. 

To the mom who is being judged because she works hard and does not get to spend more time with the kids, don't feel bad. We know that you are doing it for your kids, and that you are doing everything you can to make your rest days memorable for your kids.

To every mom who are in doubt, insecure and being judged, YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST. Our choices and our styles may all be different, but as long as our babies are our priorities, we are on the right track. 

Single moms, working moms, stay-at-home moms, we are all superwomen, and we should never feel otherwise. Happy Mother's day, mommies! 

Motherhood is fun, challenging and overwhelming, but it doesn't have to be a competition. Let us all enjoy the journey and let us help each other out! Enjoy your special day, moms! <3