Where Did The Time Go?

When I first felt your heartbeat, your first kick, I was breathless. I would sit still in the middle of the night, just waiting for you to kick again.

When I was 8 months pregnant, I became antsy. I would count the days till my Ultrasound appointment, and when you refused to show your gender right away, I went to several hospitals and clinics by myself just to end the guessing game.

When you were still inside my tummy, the days felt slower than usual. I couldn't wait to see you. I couldn't wait to kiss you. I couldn't wait to hear your tiny wails and giggles. I rearranged your drawer about a dozen times because I couldn't wait to see you wearing all those cute little onesies we have bought for you. I couldn't wait to be a mom.


 March 12, 2015 - You finally came out.

After hours and hours of labor, I finally heard you cry. I almost gave up during labor because the pain was so intense, I cried without tears, I wanted to scream but I had no voice. But when I finally laid eyes on you, it's like all the pain disappeared instantly. The moment I saw you, I knew that my life will never be the same again, and I am beyond grateful.

2 months after you were born, I decided to go back to work. It would break my heart to leave you every morning when you were still sleeping, only to come home and see you already fast asleep. I was overwhelmed with mommy guilt because while other new moms were busy posting photos of their newborn every minute, I was at the office, waiting for 6 pm so that I can go home and kiss you goodnight.

Little by little, I have managed to overcome the guilt. I find solace in knowing that even if I am not beside you all the time, I am working hard to help your tatay in giving you a good life.

 I may still be a little emotional when your lola would tell me how you have managed to stand on your own, how you uttered your first words, how you managed to put a smile on the faces of the people you meet. I would always ask for updates on your new favorite songs and shows, your new favorite snacks so I would be able to buy it on my way home. I have missed a lot of firsts, but seeing you grow into an intelligent little girl, I knew that I made the right choice. 

Sometimes I would look at you and wonder, where did the time go? You've grown so fast, you can now call me "Nanay Ea". You now pick what you want to wear. Gone are the days when I can turn you into a living doll and I would put bows and tutus just because. 

You now know what you want to watch, what you want to read, what you want to eat. You now say "fries" whenever I ask you of the pasalubong that you want me to give you. You can now say "I love you too" (or more like YOU TO), you now throw tantrums, much to my chagrin.

At times, I would be so frustrated at how bratty and stubborn you tend to be (guess that gene is from me, yes?), but I love you and that fact will never change until my last breath.

My dear Ayla Chloe Zephyr, time really is both a friend and an enemy. I have been so impatient when you were still in my tummy, but now, I wish I could slow it down a bit, just so I can spend more time with you. You amaze me in every way possible, and I constantly thank God for bringing you into our lives.

Now that you are turning 2, my wish for you is nothing but happiness and good health. May God grant you good health so that you may see and experience the beauty of life more. May you always be happy in this world full of prejudice. 

I will be with you in every triumph, every heartbreak, every mistakes, every chapter of your long and wonderful life. I will always support you. I will do my best to be your confidante, because you are indeed my little BFF. 

Thank you for giving a new meaning to happiness. I love you so much. 

Happy 2nd birthday, my little madam. 

Having you is indeed the best thing that's ever happened in my life, and I love you more than life itself. Happy Birthday! 

Love, 

Your proud nanay  <3